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Becoming
Matthew
"Are you getting paid for those extra hours you are putting in?"
When it comes to work, I guess you could say I have a few traits of an addictive personality.
Maybe like me, you find a lot of meaning in what you do. I love that feeling of making a positive impact, of solving a problem, or seeing progression.
I work longer, hyper-fixate, and suddenly the outside world blurs past. My partner often has to check when I say, "I just need five more minutes." Her reply? "Is that a real five minutes... or more like an hour?"
These feelings of productivity keep me going, even when I know I should probably stop. I get caught chasing the dragon, searching for that feeling of accomplishment.
Even right before sitting down to write this, I felt the pull to do something “productive” instead. An itch to log in and do just one little thing.
To be honest, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. As I often tell people, I am a big boy, and these are my choices.
But after spending time away from the routine of a typical 9 to 5, I've become more aware. Aware of how I tie my self-worth to productivity and how that shapes where I spend my time.
I’ll probably always work longer than I “should.”
At least now, I can see the trap that I am falling into. And remind myself that the accomplishment I seek doesn't have to only come from work. It can be found in many other places too.
